Off the Ice

Played Game 2 tonight. Here's how it went down: Home - started with a liberal pre-game application of Voltaren. Works well, but I miss the minty freshness of the A535. Change room - it's hot. So hot. Almost tropical. We're packed on the bench like sardines. The heat and the mingling of smells from our gear is eye-watering. Sweating starts again. Somewhere across the room a teammate grunts to bend over and do up his laces. The rink manager stops in again to remind us where to puke. He laughs. Everyone's a comedian. Another teammate tells us he just came from Red Lobster and plowed through the bottomless bucket of shrimp. My money's on him to paint the bathroom first. Next to me, my teammate asks if there's a defibrillator nearby. It's not old man hockey if there isn't at least one heart attack joke. 1st period - opposing team is good. We decide early on that we don't want to play them anymore. They go up 4-0 on us. Energy levels holding. 2nd period -...

Had the first hockey game in 8 months tonight. Here's how it went down: Dressing room - started sweating putting on the gear. In good company as half the team is complaining about being tired at this step already. We're totally going to win Game 1. Warm-up - stretching is good. But are my joints supposed to make clicking sounds? 1st period - take the ice. Remembered to remove skate guards. Legs a bit rusty but off to a good start. 2nd period - why am I tasting my dinner again? Mental note: before the game the rink manager gave us specific instructions on where to puke. I'm prepared just in case. Teammate says he can see through time. Or maybe it's just his head throbbing. We're not sure. We carry on. 3rd period - officially out of gas. Team now collectively talking about where to puke, who's left arm is numb, and does anyone know the signs of a stroke. I guess you could say we're set for our summer season.